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A real dominant or an amateur? BDSM: 8 signs of a lover in the know

A real dominant or amateur BDSM: 8 signs of a lover in the subjectEvery girl has a story about how he promised to come and arrange a hot night for her and then fell asleep. When a man suggests trying something spicy like BDSM, be on your guard. You need to make sure he knows what he is talking about and is not going to use it as an excuse for violence.

Now BDSM is no longer some kind of rarity, available only to the underground get-together. After the movie "50 Shades of Gray" BDSM has become almost mainstream, everyone tries it, and men who have spanked their mistresses several times already imagine themselves as gurus of domination. In order not to run into a guy who only yesterday read the book "BDSM for Dummies", read and remember. Your lover knows something about BDSM if ...

... does not insist that you try

Important principles of BDSM are voluntariness and rationality. This means that you start the session only by mutual desire and being aware of what will happen. A good dominant will never persuade a girl to try BDSM if he sees that she does not want to. You don’t have to settle for a practice that you don’t like for any (or any) reason.

... finds out what you like

BDSM does not mean that the desires of one of the partners come to the fore, and the second ("submissive") is completely ignored. Moreover, as a rule, much more attention should be paid to the lower partner, who is in a weak position. BDSM involves a wide variety of practices, from rather “harmless” such as spanking and tying (shibari) to playing with blood and electricity. A good dominant will start by figuring out what you would dare to try and what you don't like.

... does not reassure you that you will get used to

A good dominant will never "push" the submissive and assure that you just need to be patient and you will like it. You can stop the session at any time you want. This is an important rule that those who are into BDSM strictly follow.

... explains what he will do

If the dominant feels that you are afraid and nervous (this is normal, this can easily be part of the game), then for the first time he can tell you in detail what he will do now and how you will feel at the same time: what device he will take, how much it will hurt you or not at all.

... reminds of stop word and stop gesture

Before the session, you agree on a stop word or stop gesture to use if your mouth is gagged, for example. This should be a word that you will not say by accident (therefore no “hurts!”, “Enough” or “don’t”), but after which your partner should definitely stop without asking unnecessary questions.

... stops as soon as it senses that something is wrong

The dominant must first of all monitor your condition: how you react to the impact, how you breathe ... These are important details that he simply must pay attention to. BDSM is never a one-sided game, remember!

... "comfort" you after the session

If you feel like crying and cuddling after a session, that's okay. A good dominant will always shake you in his arms, kiss you, tell you what a fine fellow you are. In general, after any session, a caress and sedation procedure is required.

... does not reproach you if you do not like it

If you stopped him when he just warmed up (and you can do it at any moment), a good dominant will never blame you. He knows that the top should always focus primarily on the state of the bottom, and if the bottom decided to stop the session, then he had reasons for this.

Image by zseeee from Pixabay